When “I don’t get it!” is Good News

Your kid says, "I don't get it." Oftentimes, it's either a quivering voice with tears or increased decibels and a meltdown.

And every fiber of your being wants to just fix it. Explain it, give the answer…make it easier. They're struggling. Isn't our job to make it better?

Actually, no. The frustration they are feeling - the lack of knowing - isn't a sign that something is wrong.

It's a sign that they are right in the middle of learning something. It's ok that it's hard because it's supposed to be hard.

When we rush to smooth it out, we rob them of the exact moment where learning happens.

That discomfort is the work.

Think back. Remember when they were learning to tie their shoes? That took time and practice…and then…yep, they learned it. Now they don't even think twice about it. Imagine if you continued to tie their shoes. They'd still be asking you to tie them in sixth grade.

This week, introduce the idea before there's an actual setback. Tell them that when they struggle, that means they are in the middle of getting it. Tell them you are going to wait. Not explain or rescue.

Doing this ahead of time matters. It prepares them and you for the moment when it comes. When they know it's coming, your choice to let them problem solve for themselves won't worry them or cause them more distress.

You're not just surviving a meltdown. You're building a kid who knows they can.